
Photos courtesy of Gamefaqs.com
Nothing to get excited over
Nearly everything game industry legend Shigeru Miyamoto touches turns to gold. The
keyword there is nearly. While it might be considered blasphemous in some circles to question the godlike tendencies of Miyamoto-kamisama, there are sometimes valid reasons strewn about his resume. Excitebike is one of those excuses to point to when someone says that Miyamoto is capable of committing no wrong in game design.
Excitebike isn’t a terrible game. In fact, it’s one of the better games to come out of the NES lineup. But that isn’t saying much in the long run. Excitebike takes a simple concept and makes a mountain out of a mole hill. So much so that if you have no idea how the game works, you’re not going to immediately figure it out just by rumbling through a couple of tracks. My personal learning curve stretched from age 8 to age 28, and it was only because I asked someone about the nuances that I became a better player.
That’s the thing about Excitebike, though: I get that it’s a really simple game. You, the
dirt bike rider, are gifted and able to challenge a multitude of tracks. You aim for the highest score, stay off the rough patches, use your boost to speed up and attempt to keep your bike level with the course once you make big leaps. That’s the extent of the game. There’s a track editor thrown in for good measure and a second type of race that’s basically time trials. Simple, right? Yes.
And frustrating. No one knows what I would have given to know that pressing A rapidly when you fall off your bike helps with recovery. I would have traded my tiny kingdom in little old Columbia, S.C., to know that. It would have also helped to know that driving over the arrows on the ground
reduces bike temperature. Knowing these two important pieces of information might have made a distinct difference in my continued career of dirt bike racing. But, alas, that dream went right out of the window with my inclination to continue renting the cart back in the day.
If you want nostalgia and you can appreciate being forced to learn the ins and outs of dirt bike racing, by all means pop a wheelie in Excitebike. But don’t be surprised with the unimaginative locales, race layout and penchant for keeping you the player in the dark. Simple concept? Check. Simple controls? Check. Mario cameo? Triple check. But Shigeru Miyamoto’s genius touch to make the game a better experience for the uninitiated? Nope. That’s still sitting in the garage with my drive to play the game as a frustrated 8‑year-old and now as a more discriminating 32-year-old.

arena-based play that requires you to hunt down and eliminate the competition. That’s not that hard of a concept, actually. You’re given an arsenal with which to complete your reign of carnage and helpful items such as health and armor boosts. While the concept is easy, the number of control options offered can easily overwhelm even a seasoned shooter veteran. Mostly, you’re just looking for a way to aim and shoot, but there’s about 15 different ways to set up your gunning exploits in
The soundtrack is decent, with a few standout tracks so there’s something to spice up the disappointment of the character selection. The graphics are 
song wheel. Gone was the old look of CDs in a jukebox and in came a circular sectioned wheel — similar to the one found on the “Price is Right” — that features all of the songs available for play. This overhaul brings with it a better look and a better feel overall to the game, and it doesn’t hurt that it’s the first in the series to run at 60 frames per second. Also, 5th Mix was the first in the
series to introduce a unique color scheme that “represented” the mix. This brings a fresh look to the table and works wonders with making a seemingly tired concept look new.
Where I find a few problems with 5th Mix is also within the song list. Thankfully, 5th Mix is the only version that features the ridiculous long versions of a few songs. Probably the most egregious of these unnecessary uses of space is the overly long version of Dynamite Rave. Besides not needing yet another version of the elderly song, the long version is
listen to the original. And 
kidnapped by a group of aliens who train you to fight in their stead. To prove your worth, you’re sent to a few places in the kingdom to defend the premises with traps. Traps, which are progressively learned throughout the game, are your tickets to death. Your goal is to keep folks out of the castle/mansion/wherever. You accomplish this by creating combos of death with the traps. If there’s one thing about Kagero that’s awesome and fascinating, it’s the combo and trap scenarios. I’ve managed to kill my way through the game with some seriously 


then on, you can choose either Max or Meria until the point in the story where their daughter is born. Then, you can only choose her as a playable character. Unfortunately, I don’t know if you get to play as anyone else because there is a mission shortly after their daughter joins U.N. Spacy and has a crisis of conscience, which is where my venture ends. I’m not sure if there’s a glitch at this point or a choice that is made that can change that. So, I don’t know how the game ends but that doesn’t mean the game isn’t worth playing.
nonexistent.

shortly recruited to the Raven Fighting Squadron. You battle through several missions, piloting several of the variable fighters from the original Valkyre to the